Moving on

I put S in her crib last night for the first time.  I thought it was worth a try to see if she'd sleep better with no one in the room with her.  She didn't.  She slept the same as she always does...waking up every three hours.

I'm glad she transitioned to the crib without any issues but I'm not sure I loved getting up out of bed to nurse her when she woke up.

I think I'm gonna stick with it but I am really praying she starts sleeping better soon.  It's getting harder to convince myself I'm not completely exhausted every day.  The caffeine intake is increasing and the sleepy eyes are getting harder to hide.

Remembering Milestones

Yesterday (5/22/10) S sat up all by herself for the first time.  No pillows or couch cushions for support.  Just mommy's hands stretched out beside her to cushion her tumble.  She can do it for a few seconds and sometimes a little longer.  Watching her learn is both exciting and sad.  There are so many wonderful moments to come and yet I already can't remember what it feels like to hold her tiny newborn body and that's a little sad.

I realized today that it's time to move her 0-3 month clothes out and her 3-6 month clothes in.  I suppose since she's almost 5 months old now, it's about time.

Could it Be Teething?

I have to wonder what's going on in little S's mind these days.  She had finally started sleeping pretty well at night, just waking up once or twice.  We seemed to be past the nighttime screaming and putting her back down after nighttime feedings was pretty much breezy.

But since she had a little fever two Fridays ago, the sleep has gone down and the crankiness has gone up.  She's waking up at least 3 times a night to feed, fussing a lot during the day and screaming for a good hour or so at night before bedtime.  Plus she's waking up and fussing in the night and when I lay her down after nursing she fusses for a while.

So, what's up.  Wondering if she could be teething.  Maybe the runny nose, constant drooling, fussiness, constant chomping on her hands and mine, and poor sleep means little chompers are coming in?  Or maybe she can sense the fact that I am stressed to the max.  I know I've mentioned my job situation (or lack there of) and the last couple of weeks I have been thinking of little else and the fussier she gets and the less she sleeps the more exhausted I get.  So combined with my own exhaustion and the job stress, I imagine she senses the tension.  Perhaps that's it.  Or maybe she's just back to her old ways and the good stuff was a tiny reprieve.

Anyway, she's fussy and sleeping poorly.  I'm fussy and sleeping poorly.  And my husband is stuck in the middle of us both.

Life is Always Changing

When you live with a baby life as you know it is always ending and something new and fresh is beginning.  You think you've got sleep figured out (well, better anyway) and then a cold strikes and it's all over.  Today they roll over once a day and tomorrow you can't keep them on their tummies.

Today I realized life is changing again.  S notices when I leave the room and unless she's good and distracted, she doesn't love it.  This new experience comes with a variety of emotions.  There's something wonderful about the thought that she recognizes me and wants me around.  On the other hand...well you can imagine what might be challenging about a baby wanting you in sight at all times.  We haven't quite reached that point but I can tell it is coming.

On another note, S and Bella Mia were fighting over Bella's toy today.  S must have had a mighty good grip or Bella was being gentle with her because they had a brief moment of tug-of-war.  It was pretty stinkin' cute and got me excited for when they really start playing together.  Bella still tries to get S to throw her toy for her, which obviously is not going to happen anytime soon.  But it has led to attempts at eating Bella's toys.  Ewww....  Don't worry, I'm working hard to keep them out of her mouth!

These are the Eyes

This is what I'm talking about.  Absolutely mesmerizing eyes.  Impossible to look away.

Obsessing

On a job hunt.  It's stressing me out.  The thought of subbing for another year is, um, depressing.  The district I want to work for is hiring 42 new teachers this year and I just keep thinking, "If I don't get a job this year, I never will."  And then I went back to school and got my Master's degree for nada.

Anyway, it seems I have interviews and a teaching observation next week so I'm completely obsessing at the moment.  It's pretty much all I can think about so when my brain temporarily stopped obsessing today and my eyes locked on my daughter's bright, beautiful eyes, I was temporarily at peace.  I think in my interview I'll try and remind myself that not getting a job this year means spending more time with my lovely and then maybe I'll relax.  

That Darn Baby Monitor

I think I swear every time I hear the baby monitor make a noise after I've put S to sleep.  The problem is, it will often make a noise for no reason.  So I'm waiting with bated breath all evening long, fully expecting that at any moment my peace and quiet will be broken with the sound of woeful baby tears.

Tonight I put her down at 7:45 pm and RARELY does she actually stay asleep when I put her to bed that early.  At the moment it's 9:30 pm and that stupid monitor has been making fuzz every few minutes.  I'm thinking it's been long enough now that surely I can relax and rest assured that she'll stay asleep until her late night feeding.

Simple Treasures

Don't you wish you could giggle just because someone kissed your cheeks and made a silly noise?  Wouldn't our world be a happier place if we laughed genuinely at the sight of someone's goofy face in the mirror?  Perhaps we'd have no war and all live at peace with each other if we cracked up just because we moved our body up and down.

If only we never lost the satisfaction of simple accomplishments like blowing raspberries for the first time or held on to the wonder of reaching out to a puppy dog and trying to grab her nose while she kisses us.

We might even be better off if we continued to express our dissatisfaction with high pitched squeals and cranky faces rather than hateful, hurtful words.

These are the new treasures being found in my house right now.

A Busy Working Mom

I totally planned to take this entire week off.  I had a dentist appointment and a Mother's Day brunch, S's 4 month appointment, lunch with a friend and dinner with another.  Well, then I got an e-mail asking me to work every day this week.  Ugh.  It was a request straight from a principal at the school I want to work at next year so I just couldn't say no.  So now I'm working ALL week (except Tuesday).

Anyway, up until this point I have only worked a day or two and each week and I've loved getting out of the house and being back to teaching.  I love my little S but it has not bothered me to leave her because I know she's being taken care of.  But last night when I said I'd work this week, I was hit with a little twinge of sadness, realizing I'd be missing 24 hours of S time!!  24 hours seems like FOREVER in the life of a baby.  I'll even have to miss her 4 month check up.

I don't regret my decision and I'm excited about the possibility of working full time next year, but I definitely will miss my little darling as the hours keep adding up.  I'm reminded of a friend who once told me that you can be a great working mom or a crappy working mom or you can be a great stay-at-home mom or a crappy stay-at-home mom.  If you are going to work, you can't feel guilty for it.  Just make sure that you make the best of the time you do have at home.