The Unique Nature of Motherhood

I was really not interested in being a mom for a very long time. In fact, it wasn't until about a year ago that I changed my mind and here I am a year later with a 1 month old. Part of my problem with the whole "mom" thing was that I was afraid of losing who I am and becoming this new person called, "mom." While I was pregnant I kept asking myself and my husband if I would change when the baby was born. I wondered if I would see the world differently. I wondered if I'd suddenly morph into this new person that was just like every other mom out there. I wondered if I suddenly be doing all the things that used to drive me crazy about parents.

Since she's been born I've read other "mom" blogs and I've found something interesting that for a split second concerned me and then quickly thrilled me. I am not a different person. I am still me. I still think the same way. I still care about the same things. I love my child more then I ever knew was even possible. I cry a little more when I watch shows about kids. But really I'm still me. Yeah, I share some similar experiences with other moms, but just because our experiences are similar, doesn't mean I feel the same about them as every other mom.

I've been bothered by this idea that because I'm a mom I suddenly think the same as every other mom around, as if I should agree with everything they think and smile and nod ferociously as if I was once blind but now see with such clarity all the things they've been telling me. Well, I'm sorry, but I don't. And I know without a doubt that I am a wonderful mother.

I'm still annoyed by people who use their kids as an excuse for everything. I do everything in my power to get to places on time, even with a newborn. And when I don't, it's not her fault, it's mine for not planning better. We do, however, get to most places on time.

I have more energy and motivation to clean my house then I ever did before. In fact, the whole "supermom" thing excites me and inspires me rather then drains and frustrates me. Being able to take care of a baby while keeping my house in tact is awesome. And I do. I have a baby who wants to be held 24/7 but I hold her AND take care my house. I don't do it out of some sick sense of obligation that I will later resent. I do it because it's just awesome to be a supermom.

I get up and take a shower, do my hair and makeup and eat breakfast pretty much every day. In my opinion, a happy healthy mom makes for a happy healthy baby. And I just feel better about myself and my life when I look nice. A ponytail and no make up makes me feel tired and sluggish. I do have those days too, of course, but they are not daily and I do not blame my child when they happen. I blame the fact that I'm feeling lazy and want a sleepy day.

I still care about being a teacher. I love the time I spend with my baby. I'm enjoying have some time away from work to get to know her and establish a secure connection with her. But I want to go back from work. It's important to me. It excites me when I think about having my own classroom again. It's something I'm passionate about and that didn't change when I had a baby.

I am not a stressed-out first time mom. I choose not to be. Moms always talk to me with this, "Don't worry, you'll be more relaxed with your second baby" tone and I just want to shout from the roof tops, "I'm happy, I'm relaxed, this is totally natural!!" I don't freak out about the little things. I'm confident in my ability to make wise choices about how to parent my child. I trust my instincts. And when I don't know what to do, I remind myself that this is just a season. I have a few moments here and there where the hours and hours of screaming get to me. I cry or pout or take my crankiness out on my husband. But I'm okay with all of that too because it is what it is and it won't last forever.

So there ya go. There isn't some "mom" mold that you have to fit into when you have your first child. Yeah, you'll probably experience some similar things as me and other moms. Most of them involve poop and sleeplessness. But you can be who you want to be, feel how you want to feel, respond to this new life experience however you want to respond to it. Just like every pregnancy is unique, every experience of motherhood is unique because you, the mom, are unique. And that's a good thing because your baby was made just for you.

New Chapter

So my mac site is gone because I'm too cheap to pay for it. I don't want to blog on facebook or myspace because frankly, I'm not sure most of my friends understand the way I think and I get a little tired of explaining myself or arguing. So for the sake of enjoying the process of writing and getting out my thoughts, I'm back to my old blog without announcing it to the world. I may or may not write very often because the latest excitement in my life is that I have a new baby and she is what I like to call, "high needs." Loves to be held at all times and doesn't sleep a whole lot. Not a big fan of the things that usually make babies happy like swings. So that means my hands are usually full of a child, giving me little time to type at any length. But we'll see.