God our Father

Last night I woke up from a dream where Matt ran into our room in the middle of the night to tell me to grab the baby and hide because there was a bad person in the house. I remember thinking I'd do anything to protect her, even give my life.

Moments later she's in my arms and refusing to sleep. I was reminded of a book I'm reading called, "Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year," by Anne Lamott. She writes about the strange feeling of loving her son so incredibly deeply and yet wanting to throw him down the stairs at times.

In my extreme exhaustion I'm understanding her feeling. While I just woke up from a dream where I realized I'd give my life for her, at this moment the thought of dropping her down some stairs sounds intriguing. Okay, maybe just wrapping her nicely in a basket and leaving her at the neighbors doorstep like poor little Alvin, Simon and Theodore.

I wonder if God feels like this about us. He obviously loved us enough to give his life for us. But perhaps he also wants to throw us down some stairs at times. And I've only got one little screaming child. God has an entire earth filled with screaming children. I used to think the Psalm that talks about God never sleeping because he's always watching over us was a beautiful picture of God's love and protection. Now I'm thinking maybe this whole never slumbering thing is not for lack of trying.