Fun New Things

The last two days I've noticed a couple of fun new things S is doing.  First she was sitting in her high chair and bouncing to the beat of the music I had playing on my Ipod.  Then Matt told me she's been doing it a lot.  It is SO cute!!

I also noticed that she's just now starting to mimic a little bit.  I've been trying to get her to wave for a while now and just Friday I saw her raise her hand up and try to wave back.  She's done it a few times now.

She has been babbling so much more lately.  Her voice is the sweetest sound I've ever heard.

I love watching my little rosebud bloom.

In the right place

Driving to work the other day it hit me: I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  I looked back for a moment at the time I decided to leave church work to pursue a career as a public school teacher.  I remembered the person who told me I'd be letting God down by leaving the ministry.  I remembered feeling conflicted about that statement.  Could he be right?

Friday as I pulled into my school parking lot I knew.  He wasn't right.  I was exactly where God wanted me to be.  Every moment up until this point has been orchestrated by His hand.  He has brought me here to this specific place, this specific class, these specific students and families.

I feel honored to be called to such a position in the lives of children.  I pray that I make the most of it and God guides me to be exactly the teacher I need to be for the kids in my classroom and their families who love them.

It Must Be Recorded

Today is a date that must be recorded.  At 7:00 pm I put S to bed completely awake.  She stood up one time, fussed a few seconds, then laid down and quietly moved around a tiny bit and chewed on her doll for 20 minutes then...FELL ASLEEP!!!!  The quickest and quietest bedtime of her life...all 7 months of it.  :-D

Pulling Up

It's a little nerve-wracking to sit and watch your 6 month old pull herself up on a coffee table.  I imagine the cracked tooth, the broken nose, the busted lip and so on as she slips and smacks her face on the edge of the table.  I suppose this is the risk that one takes as they learn new things.  And the risk I take for refusing to cover my furniture in foam and rubber.

Today she made her first attempt at cruising.  I guess she really wanted that book on the other side of the coffee table.  It was a failed attempt as she only moved one foot and fell forward (into her mother's loving arms) BUT we tried again and she did it!  I certainly didn't expect her to start cruising before 7 months old. I doubt she'll be able to keep it up when we get home because our furniture is bigger and I don't think she can reach the top of most of it yet.

My Traveling Bear

I'm guessing the people with the hotel room next to ours were really wishing they had chosen somewhere else to stay last night and this morning and probably yesterday afternoon too.  S has been a miserable pile of poo since we got here yesterday.  Screaming till she choked at naptime and bedtime.  Shaking her hands in furry and screaming at the sight of a bottle at dinner time.  Woke up all night and refused to go back to sleep more than once.  She finally ended up in bed with us around 4 am (for the 2nd time, but for good this time) and FINALLY went back to sleep around 5:30 until 7 am.

I'm glad this is a work trip for Matt rather than an actual vacation because if I had paid to be here I'd be more than a little annoyed...and let's face it, I'm already quite annoyed just because I'm exhausted!  And poor Matt had to be out the door around 6 something this morning.

When we get home, life as S knows it is about to change.  I am done feeding her ALL night long.  We will be phasing out the nursings and comforting her from the side of the crib.  I am quite certain it will be more exhausting in the short-term but I am praying for more sleep in the long term because I need my rest to be a patient, thoughtful and loving teacher and mother this fall.

Saw the most precious thing today

First let me say that I'm celebrating today because S slept for 3 three and a half hour stretches.  Probably seems silly to most to celebrate such short stretches at 6 and a half months old, but since she's been waking every two hours for the last couple of months...this is progress.  I've been trying to stretch her daytime feedings so she's only eating every 3-4 hours instead of every 2 hours.  I was hoping that maybe it would change her nighttime feeding schedule too and so far it seems to be helping!

Anyway, this morning (at 8:00 am!!!!), I heard sweet baby coos on the monitor.  I waited for a while...waking up slowly.  And when I finally went in, she was laying on her side, eyes slightly open, thumb in her mouth, cooing.  It was by far the sweetest thing I think I've ever seen.

A tiny angel

Sometimes when S is just tired enough to fall asleep in my arms without the thrashing and screaming battle that commences on most nights and pre-nap times, I look at her tiny little angelic face and forget that she ever screams, ever kicks my arms with her insanely strong legs, ever grabs hold of my tiny hairs at the bottom of my hair and holds on for dear life, ever keeps me up all night long and makes me feel like my sanity is slipping away.  She's just a perfect angel, resting, peaceful.  And I smile.

She Makes You Feel Special

My S seems to have a way of making people feel like she just adores them even when she's never met them before.  I went to a library sale on Sunday and had my hands quite full with books, a bag and my little S.  It was a-bag-a-buck day so you know I was loading up on books for my classroom.

A sweet little group of silver-haired ladies were sitting nearby, working the sale and apparently talking about S.  Eventually one of the ladies came over and so adorably said, "We hold babies for free so mommies can shop."  Harmless and nearby, I agreed.

I looked over to see my darling resting her head on the lady's chest, all cuddled up and sweet while smiling at the other ladies who had goo-goo eyes.

The rest of the day she smelled of strong lady perfume, and I was reminded of what a sweety she is every time I cuddled her until bathtime.

SwimSuit Shopping :-(

I have never been fond of wearing swimsuits and in fact rarely wear one in public without a cover of some sort.  I now, however, realize that I should have appreciated my body while I had it because swimsuit shopping these days is a new level of ick.

Okay, yeah I have some tummy rolls and my breasts are huge (well, huge for me that is).  But most clothes hide it enough that I don't feel too bad about it most of the time.  BUT, oh, the horrors of trying on swimsuits yesterday.  They suck everything in and pop all the wrong spots out.  Horrible, horrible, horrible.  What's a girl to do, I'm thinking...  We're going on a trip with a ton of high school students on Monday and NO WAY am I wearing anything that lets my knockers pop out every which way.  I'm not even starting on the tummy rolls.

Depressed, I bought some swim shorts that are rather conservative and mom-like, leaving the top shopping for another day, thinking I'd probably just wear a tank top and give up swimming.  However, today, much to my delight, I found, what I believe to be, a tasteful tankini that is loose in all the right spots and holds in my mondo-milk-dispensers. Yeah, I wouldn't call my new two-piece sexy in any sense of the word, but it works for my current "situation."

Review: Babies (the documentary)

I went and saw Babies last night.  It was amazing.  I laughed and smiled and enjoyed every moment.  More striking to me than the differences between the babies, were the similarities.  Although the cultures each baby is immersed in is very different, I could see pieces of my little S in each of the babies.  The giggles, the yawns, the cries, the gaining control of their bodies part by part.

I laughed when one of the babies came over and grabbed a hold of his mom's breast and began to eat.  It reminded me of the time my sweet was sitting on my lap and scooted her body down and grabbed a hold and started eating.

When another was frustrated because she couldn't figure out her toy and she threw herself back and yelled and banged her arms around, it reminded me of watching S trying to learn to scoot and throwing her face into the ground and screaming in frustration.

I especially loved watching the interactions between the babies and the animals around them.  And of course I thought of my bug and her puppy Bella and how she giggles when she sees her and tries to pull her ears and yank her skin.

It was a beautiful picture of what I already believe to be true:  Every family finds its own rhythm and babies adapt to the lifestyles of their families.  As long as babies are loved and that love is shown through the meeting of their needs, babies grow and learn to adjust to the rhythm of their unique family.  What a wonderful reminder to trust our instincts as mothers and fathers.

New fun stuff

The last couple of days S has started scooting over to me while I'm on the floor with her and climbing up me until I pick her up.  It is the sweetest thing.  Then after a moment she wants back down to go play on her own again.  I feel like I'm watching her develop that sense of trust and confidence that she can venture out on her own for a while and then come back to me when she needs some reassurance.

I've also noticed that she's starting to reach for my husband and me when she wants us.  I wondered when babies started doing that.  I guess it's now! :-)

We are working so hard on getting into a pattern of taking naps during the day (in her crib, not in my arms).  The last couple of days have been hard getting her there but she has been taking at least one good nap in her crib each day.  It gives me hope.

She's my child, it's my choice

If one more person tells me to let my child "cry it out,"  I'm going to punch them in the face, walk away, and let them cry it out.

Morning Comes Early...but maybe it's worth it

S decided 5:30 am was morning today and since I disagree, she joined Matt and I in bed.  She fell back asleep pretty easily until 8 or so.  And when I woke up (or rather, she woke me up), she had her lips pressed to mine and was staring at me.  I kissed her and she pulled back and smiled and then went and laid her head on daddy's arm and smiled up at him.  I swear she said daddy but it was probably more like, "dadablablada."

I suppose if she'd gone back to sleep in her crib after I nursed her at 5:00 am, I would have missed such a precious moment.  And I know they won't last forever so for the moment, I'll be glad that morning comes early.

Experiencing Everything Anew

Today I was inside organizing paperwork when through the open window, all I can hear are these beautiful little giggles.  Well of course I had to step outside to see what all the joy was about.  S was hanging out with her daddy underneath the tree in our backyard.

When I look at that tree I think two things: A) I'm thankful for the shade on hot days and B) I wish I had a saw so I could cut back those low-hanging branches.  But on this particular day I saw this tree with fresh eyes.

Daddy was holding S just high enough that she was eye-level with those low-hanging branches.  She looked at the leaves like they were the most fascinating things she'd ever seen.  And of course she had to try and grab them and put them in her mouth.

Yesterday I looked outside at that tree and saw yard work.  Today I see treasure.

So when DO they sleep?

Tonight I'm thinking: If babies have trouble sleeping when they are newborns because they have to eat all the time, when they are teething, when they are experiencing a growth spurt, when they are learning a new skill...did I leave anything out?  Then WHEN do they sleep????

I'm starting to be convinced that none of this is true.  The truth is, if you end up with a baby who doesn't sleep well, they never sleep well and all those "reasons" are just there to help you feel better and have hope that maybe, just MAYBE, you might actually get to sleep again someday.

Stepping Back to Watch

Today I sat S down on the floor to play and I sat on the couch to eat my lunch and watch her play.  I spend most of my time on the floor with her, making silly faces and talking to her...hovering perhaps?  But today was different.  For some reason I thought a new perspective was in order.

It's interesting what you can see from a distance.  She certainly favors a couple of toys over other ones but she did take a brief try at pretty much every toy on the floor.  It seems the main purpose for her toys is to chew on them and so if they do not easily lend themselves to that action, she quickly moves on.  As one ring slipped down over her wrist and down her arm, she worked to wiggle it off.  One book proved to be too large to pick up so she quickly gave it up.  Although I now see it's no longer anywhere near where I'd originally placed it.  Perhaps when I got up to get my computer she pushed it around the floor.

I smile at her independence and enjoy the moment to eat my lunch in peace.

And as my mind often does, I find it wandering and making connections to another area of my life where kids are the focus.  I wonder how often, as a teacher, I spend too much time hovering close and miss a distant perspective that might teach me something important.  When September rolls around I will have to take time to step back, watch, and learn.

Baby grunts bring me back to the present and make me grateful that, for the time being, the bouts of independence are short and mommy is still wanted and appreciated for closeness and comfort.

Moving on

I put S in her crib last night for the first time.  I thought it was worth a try to see if she'd sleep better with no one in the room with her.  She didn't.  She slept the same as she always does...waking up every three hours.

I'm glad she transitioned to the crib without any issues but I'm not sure I loved getting up out of bed to nurse her when she woke up.

I think I'm gonna stick with it but I am really praying she starts sleeping better soon.  It's getting harder to convince myself I'm not completely exhausted every day.  The caffeine intake is increasing and the sleepy eyes are getting harder to hide.

Remembering Milestones

Yesterday (5/22/10) S sat up all by herself for the first time.  No pillows or couch cushions for support.  Just mommy's hands stretched out beside her to cushion her tumble.  She can do it for a few seconds and sometimes a little longer.  Watching her learn is both exciting and sad.  There are so many wonderful moments to come and yet I already can't remember what it feels like to hold her tiny newborn body and that's a little sad.

I realized today that it's time to move her 0-3 month clothes out and her 3-6 month clothes in.  I suppose since she's almost 5 months old now, it's about time.

Could it Be Teething?

I have to wonder what's going on in little S's mind these days.  She had finally started sleeping pretty well at night, just waking up once or twice.  We seemed to be past the nighttime screaming and putting her back down after nighttime feedings was pretty much breezy.

But since she had a little fever two Fridays ago, the sleep has gone down and the crankiness has gone up.  She's waking up at least 3 times a night to feed, fussing a lot during the day and screaming for a good hour or so at night before bedtime.  Plus she's waking up and fussing in the night and when I lay her down after nursing she fusses for a while.

So, what's up.  Wondering if she could be teething.  Maybe the runny nose, constant drooling, fussiness, constant chomping on her hands and mine, and poor sleep means little chompers are coming in?  Or maybe she can sense the fact that I am stressed to the max.  I know I've mentioned my job situation (or lack there of) and the last couple of weeks I have been thinking of little else and the fussier she gets and the less she sleeps the more exhausted I get.  So combined with my own exhaustion and the job stress, I imagine she senses the tension.  Perhaps that's it.  Or maybe she's just back to her old ways and the good stuff was a tiny reprieve.

Anyway, she's fussy and sleeping poorly.  I'm fussy and sleeping poorly.  And my husband is stuck in the middle of us both.

Life is Always Changing

When you live with a baby life as you know it is always ending and something new and fresh is beginning.  You think you've got sleep figured out (well, better anyway) and then a cold strikes and it's all over.  Today they roll over once a day and tomorrow you can't keep them on their tummies.

Today I realized life is changing again.  S notices when I leave the room and unless she's good and distracted, she doesn't love it.  This new experience comes with a variety of emotions.  There's something wonderful about the thought that she recognizes me and wants me around.  On the other hand...well you can imagine what might be challenging about a baby wanting you in sight at all times.  We haven't quite reached that point but I can tell it is coming.

On another note, S and Bella Mia were fighting over Bella's toy today.  S must have had a mighty good grip or Bella was being gentle with her because they had a brief moment of tug-of-war.  It was pretty stinkin' cute and got me excited for when they really start playing together.  Bella still tries to get S to throw her toy for her, which obviously is not going to happen anytime soon.  But it has led to attempts at eating Bella's toys.  Ewww....  Don't worry, I'm working hard to keep them out of her mouth!